Haji's Collection of One Shots
by hajikurazaki19
Summary: Hey, these are my oneshots! Since I'll write so many, I'm just going to repost my old ones, and add on the new ones to this. It's easier for everyone. They range in subject, and character focus. But, all are good and some are stupid.
1. From The Pocket of the Organization

**This is just a little story that I wrote to also help me figure out my writer's block. It helped a little. But I thought it was kinda funny.**

**I own nothing. Not even the dollar in the story.**

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Hi! I'm a dollar, and I'm going to tell you about my trip through the Organization XIII. Sit back while I try to remember exactly what happened.

Well, I was all alone, in the pocket of a nameless stranger who was walking to the store. I only knew he was going to the store because he said something about Sea Salt Ice Cream. Suddenly, my owner jumped, and I wiggled about. He gasped loudly and I couldn't figure out what was going on.

Suddenly, there was these brown fingers near me. As soon as they touched me, they took me out into this cold desolate world, and I had no idea where I was. The man that was looking at me was scary. He had these orange eyes, and he was smiling. He had a dashing coat let me tell you, but he shoved me into his pocket and vanished.

I was in that pocket for a long time, but I was waken from my sleep, when he slapped me onto a table. I was getting a little frustrated. I did not like being taken out of pockets very much. But I don't think my new owner liked putting money on a table either.

"I suppose this is all I can donate right now, Saix."

The blue haired man, Saix, I'm assuming, looked up at my new owner and sighed. "That's it, Xemnas? You only have a dollar?"

"My job is to use Kingdom Hearts to restore my Organization." Xemnas said. "You are the one who handles the finances. Now get to work."

Saix growled and glared at me. I wanted to fly away, but there was no wind in the room, and I was at the mercy of this person with a crazy hair color. He scratched me as he folded me up into a triangle. I knew what was coming.

"Xemnas, perhaps we should try to open a fundraiser to meet our budget demands. Maybe we could call it Spot the Spock." Saix said as he flicked me across the table. "I win."

Xemnas picked me up and flicked me back. I landed right in Saix's lap. He looked at me and pinched me inbetween his fingers. He was about to say something when the door to the vast room opened up and a sad looking, mullet wearing, blonde, tall, and a whole host of other musically related words guy stumbled in. He was whimpering. To me, he looked like he messed something up.

"What is it now, Demyx?" Xemnas sighed. Saix stood up and took his place next to him. I was unfortunately left on the table.

"I kind of missed our last meeting." Demyx stuttered. "I was going to ask Axel, but he lit me on fire and told me to come to you. So…help a brother out?"

Xemnas sighed deeply. "Go on."

Saix grumbled under his breath and stepped up to Demyx. "You know what you can do?"

Demyx was obviously afraid of Saix. I couldn't see why. I mean how scary can a blue haired man with a funny scar be?

After about five minutes, I knew just how scary he could be. I was lucky to escape with my life. Demyx had saved me, or rather I was wedged in his hair. He had to go the ominously named Dark City to get Xemnas one of the best cookies that never existed from This Cookie Shop Doesn't Exist. It was Xemnas's favorite cookie shop.

And, as I found out, it was the only cookie shop.

I was sad that the David Bowie look alike was giving me to this thing. It was white and gray, and it had a zipper for a mouth. I was scared. I felt this sudden gust of wind, and I flapped my little body as hard as I could so I could escape. I made it out of the door, but I didn't go that much farther, for I was speared with a lance.

I guess I was supposed to be some kind of sport, because, a man with the biggest sideburns I have ever seen tore my corner off as he put me in his pocket. "Victory is mine, bitches."

"That's not fair!" cried Demyx. "That's supposed to be for Xemnas's snack. Xaldin!"

Xaldin didn't care very much. He pushed Demyx away and headed back to the castle, whistling a song that reminded me very much of Michael Jackson. I was once in his pocket, you know. Yeah, I'm special.

Anyway, Xaldin lost me in a poker game to Luxord, who traded me for a rubber band with Axel, who set me on fire and threw me away. It had rained that day, so I wasn't completely destroyed.

I was sitting in my trash can, moping, wishing that I could start anew. I didn't like this world very much. Everyone was violent and mean, and tortured dollars. I hated them all. Fortunately for me, a very pretty woman kicked the trash can over and I was carried away by an incoming storm. Unfortunately, she was skilled in the wielding of lightning, and I was fried.

I floated away, attacked by various things and a number of horrifying coincidences rendered me useless. Then, I was alone again. I refused to wish for anything. So far, that has only gotten me in trouble, and destroyed.

But, to my dismay, my journey was not quite over. I had been chanced upon by a young boy, maybe, like, twelve. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a standard American actress. He picked my up and smiled wide. He only had one thing to say.

"Hey, cool. A dollar."

"Wanna go get ice cream?"

I screamed by flapping my edges and trying to get away. It was Axel again. He was going to burn me! I struggled and managed to get away. I flitted away. I wasn't going to risk getting hurt again. I was almost free, but, alas, I was interrupted yet again. I was at the edge of the world. I was just about to pass through a dark portal when I was sucked into the black hole. I was surprised by the sudden movement, but at the same time, a pirate shot a hole in me and I was spaghettified. I was turned inside out and I formed into a Dark Matter Dollar.

I then plummeted back to Earth. I landed on a beach next to a boy. He picked me up and took me to this town that was in constant twilight. He then traded me for this funny looking sword to the same blonde who owned me before. I was so happy, but then I remembered that I was a Nobody's Dollar, therefore I had no feelings.

*Sigh*

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**I hope you liked it. It was just a little thing. I liked it.**

**:) Has a nice day.**


	2. Guns, Guns, Guns

**I needed a place to rant, so I wrote this short drabble because I'm pissed. I had my Principles of Lighting Final today, and I passed it for sure. I'm not even worried about it. But, I had to flounder around like a fucking idiot to keep my final project from going under. I failed...miserably, but that's because nobody in my group helped me at all. Not a finger! God, I'm so pissed about that.**

**But, now I'm done. And I wrote this for everyone. It just popped into my head. Enjoy. :)**

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Guns, guns, guns, that's all he ever played with. Every day after patrolling the castle, and bothering Ansem, he would go and play with guns. Every damn day.

Then the fucker shot his eye out. Then he got his heart stolen because Xehanort was being a fucking idiot for a second. Then that motherfucker came back and gave him a job in nothingness…forever.

Gun, guns, guns. That's all he ever played with. Then he got a job and a weird California surfer accent. And he became a cool-ass mother fucker.

Thus, is Xigbar.

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**So...Yeah, just a little tiny thing. Not even a hundred words. DERP...I'm done ranting. But, I'll do it again if those fuckers made me fail. Fucking...*grumble***

**Has a nice day. :) *super happy again***


	3. Happy Axel Axel Luxord Day

**Sorry, this one is a day late. My internet was acting funny. So, to all. Happy Axel Axel Luxord day.**

**I own nothing.  
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"Luxord! The time has arrived."

Luxord grimaced as he looked up from his poker game with Xigbar. "Oh, dear lord."

Xigbat snickered as he stole a peek at Luxord's cards. "It's not so bad. It could be worse."

Luxord glared at Xigbar. "What could possibly be worse than spending the day with Axel?"

"It could be Marly Month." Xigbar said, flipping his cards on the table. "I fold."

Luxord sighed and stood up, just in time to see Axel strut into the room. He was carrying a brown bag. It was jingling merrily. Luxord didn't like Axel's kind of merry. That usually meant that he was going to endure some kind of mind game that involved the striping and possible beating of his behind in some embarrassing fashion.

"Hey, buddy." Axel greeted in false happiness. "Ready to go?"

Luxord sighed. It was only the eighth day of Axel's month. He already had done everything he possibly could to avoid him over the past week, especially since Saix was in a piss poor mood yesterday. Xigbar watched eagerly. He wanted to see a fight break out, but he could believe that Luxord hadn't escaped earlier. He was actually curious as to what was going to happen.

Luxord sighed. "Do I have to spend the whole day with you?"

Axel nodded. "Superior said so. It's just you and me."

"Unfortunately."

"Superior also said," Axel continued. "That if you don't do your yearly duty, you will have to endure it again, and that Marluxia will be promoted to Number X."

A swish of pink hair and a shower of flower petals announced Marluxia's arrival. "Did I hear promotion?"

Luxord scowled. Axel was going to drag this day out. He just knew it. He was seriously considering just disappearing. Hiding somewhere else in the castle until the day was over.

"Leave, Marly." Axel shouted. "You get your turn in a few days."

Marluxia sighed. "Boo. You spend more time with him already. Luxord, would you like to switch with me?"

Luxord frowned. "No. I'm trying to get this over with. So, go."

Marluxia stuck his tongue out. "You're no fun."

Axel threw the brown bag at him, but he disappeared before it hit him. Luxord glared at Xigbar, who was sitting in silence, hopping that he wouldn't be seen. As soon as he saw the look on Luxord's face he smiled and vanished. Luxord sighed inwardly. Something bad was about to happen.

"All right." Axel said, scooping up the brown bag and shaking it. "Let's get started."

Luxord pointed at the bag. "What exactly is in there?"

"It's a surprise."

Luxord frowned deeper if it was even possible. "It better not be like the time you gave me that sandwich from Zexion. I was sick for a week."

"That was years ago." Axel waved a hand. "And, no, it's even better. But, you have to find the clues. Then I'll tell you."

"Can't you just tell me right now?"

"And ruin the surprise?" Axel wagged a finger. "I think not."

"You barely think at all."

Axel shrank away. "That was cold. Your first clue is in your deck."

Luxord looked at his Fair Game cards. Axel disappeared, laughing loudly as Luxord looked at the top card. It had a picture of a cat on it. It was on fire and the words 'I'm on fire, baby' were written across the top. Luxord ripped the card up and sat back down. He wasn't going to partake in Axel's games today. He was annoyed. Xigbar had almost lost the game.

Several hours passed, and it had become more and more clear to Axel, that Luxord wasn't playing the game like a good little Gambler of Fate. He had to figure out where to go from there. It seemed that there was only going to be one way.

Luxord flipped his cards around lazily, ignoring the clock and not really caring whether or not Axel had realized that he was alone. He threw one to the other end of the room, where Axel had appeared and caught it in between his fingers. He held up the brown bag.

"You want to know what's inside?"

Luxord shrugged. "I don't really care."

Axel pulled out a sleek amber colored, slightly dusty bottle. "Oh, I think you do."

Luxord looked up. "Is that?"

Axle smiled. "It is. Early eighteen hundreds."

"For me?"

"Happy Axel Axel Luxord Day."

Luxord smiled and stood up. He strode over, reaching his hand out for the bottle of the rarest scotch in the Non-Universe. As soon as is fingers touched the glass, Xigbar pulled his feet from underneath of him, and suspended him upside down. Axel yanked his cloak off and threw it as far away as he could. He shook the bottle and heated it. He drew back and threw it at the wall. It shattered, and a long flame whipped out from the puddle of alcohol. It twisted around, and smacked Luxord squarely on the ass.

"Happy Axel Axel Luxord Day! You lose the game!"

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**Hope you liked it. I'll see if I can do another one today. Axel Demyx Luxord day. Hooray!**


	4. If You're Happy And You Know It

**Hello! I wrote another Psycho!Sora fic. This time, I went a little deeper and gave him a reason for his insanity. Hope you like it. I gave it an T rating to be safe. Review please!**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the songs I used. Those go to Kelis and Justin Timberlake.**

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_Hello, Sora._

Sora clapped his hands over his ears. This voice had been talking to him for the past few days or so, though he was aware of its presence long before then. For a while, he had assumed that it was Roxas's heart talking to him, giving advice or warning him of impending danger. But, recently, it had been singing to him.

Sora rolled on his side, still trying to ignore the voice that constantly pestered him.

_Sora, listen to me._

"Shut up, Roxas," Sora growled. "I don't want to hear it."

_But, I love you._

Sora curled on his bed. He didn't want the voice to tell him it loved him. Roxas wasn't like that. Roxas had no heart. No feelings. Sora still made his feeble attempts to block Roxas's voice out, but to no avail.

_Come play with me, Sora._

Sora, who could ignore Roxas no longer, stood up and stretched, feeling his muscles tighten and relax. "I don't want to play, Roxas, but I will get up."

_I want to play a game._

"I'm not interested," Sora said, sitting in his kitchen and pouring himself a bowl of cereal. "I don't want to play today. I told you that already."

_What about going to Riku's house? I'm sure he would play with me. He likes me._

"He likes me, Roxas." Sora corrected. "You just think he's talking to you. It's my body, my heart."

_Then what about Kairi? She would love to play. We could go to the island and—_

"No!"

Sora threw his bowl of cereal across the kitchen in blind anger. As soon as the bowl shattered, and milk flew everywhere, Sora snapped out of his state and hastily cleaned his mess. "Look what you made me do?"

_Maybe you should teach me a lesson._

Sora silently kicked himself. "Get your mind out the gutter."

_Fine, if you let me sing you a song._

Sora grimaced as he accidently nicked himself with a piece of his cereal bowl. The blood ran down his thumb, and he absently licked his wound. The blood tasted much different than any other time he had cut himself. It tasted sweeter. Like papou fruit juice.

_Sora, are you listening?_

"Whatever," Sora said, quickly pulling his thumb out of his mouth. "Go ahead."

_I hate you so much right now,_

_I hate you so much right now,_

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_I hate you so much right now—_

"Fascinating," Sora said crossly. "You're done now."

_That's all I need._

Sora ignored Roxas and dressed himself and left his house. He was hoping he would see someone he knew. Anyone. Even someone he didn't like very much. Much to his surprise, Selphie walked past him, smelling like chocolate. Sora turned around.

"Hey, Selphie." Sora said, catching up. "You smell nice. Is that a new fragrance?"

Selphie blushed. She had always had a crush on Sora. "Well, no, but I'm glad you like the way I smell."

Sora held her hand up, "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

Selphie blushed a deeper red. "Well, I was actually going to see Riku—"

Sora pushed Selphie against the side of s store front and kissed her hard. When he let her go, he whispered in her ear. "I could please you so much better than Riku."

Selphie fell silent and nodded gently. Her dream was coming true. "Sure, let's go for a walk."

_I'm bringing sexy back,_

_Yeah!_

_You need to murder friends and that's a fact,_

_Yeah!_

_You kill them dead to make up for things you lack,_

_Yeah!_

_You need to teach them to pick up the slack,_

_Yeah! Kick it the bridge._

Sora pushed Roxas's song from his mind and led Selphie to the nearest empty store. He pulled her into the bathroom after greeting the store clerk with a charming smile. Selphie couldn't help but giggle uncontrollably.

"Shh!" Sora said hugging her tightly and continuing to kiss her roughly, Roxas singing his song over and over again in his head.

Selphie became nervous. "I've never done it in a bathroom before."

Sora pulled away and looked at her. "There is a first time for everything."

Selphie smiled and allowed herself to be taken by Sora's newer, rougher nature. She enjoyed every minute of her mounting ecstasy until she felt a strange constriction on her neck.

"Sora," she whispered a little loudly. "I can't breathe."

Sora hushed her. "That's normal for a virgin. It'll be over soon, trust me."

"Okay," Selphie said. She was still fully clothed, but she trusted Sora completely. "I trust you."

Sora smiled maliciously as his fingers squeezed tighter and tighter around Selphie's neck. She did not resist. She believed completely that he was making love to her. She was just a naïve virgin, and her life slipped away before she could even enjoy one of God's given pleasures.

Sora left the bathroom and passed by the sales clerk. "Women," he said casually. "They take forever in the bathroom. Could you do me a favor and tell her I went to the café when she comes out. She's gonna be a while."

"Sure," the clerk said. "Nothing like two kids in love. I'll certainly pass the message."

"Thanks," Sora smiled as he left the store.

_That was so exciting wasn't it?_

Sora didn't want to admit it, but he took a great thrill in strangling his friend. There was a strange feeling that he liked, tingling up and down he spine. But, still there was something missing.

_It wasn't enough, was it?_

Sora shook his head, "It wasn't…good enough."

_I understand. Want to try it again?_

"It wasn't the same as destroying the heartless." Sora said, looking at his hands. "I felt much more powerful, like I could rule the world."

_Maybe you didn't do it right. Try again. Kairi is home. She likes you too. Maybe she will offer you more._

Sora nodded. "Yeah, let's go play with Kairi."

Sora was at Kairi' house in a matter of minutes. He knocked on the door, brushing his hair back and smiling awkwardly. When Kairi opened the door, she smiled brightly.

"Sora!" she said. "How are you? Come on in."

She opened the door wider and Sora walked in with overbearing confidence. "I'm doing great, Kairi. I just had this great idea, and it makes me feel really good. I was wondering if you'd like to play."

Kairi smiled, "Well, I would love to, but I have work I need to finish. Maybe later?"

Sora frowned. He turned away.

_Don't give up so easily. She really does want you, she's playing hard to get._

Sora turned back to Kairi with renewed vigor. He grabbed her arm and spun her around into his. "I'm gonna make you scream, Kairi."

Kairi was surprised by Sora's strong advances. He had never been this blunt before. She almost succumbed to Sora's rough kisses and gentle nibbles, but she pushed him away.

"Sora, what is wrong with you?" Kairi yelled. "You're acting very strange. Stop it."

Sora reeled back and hit his hip on the counter. He knocked over some utensils and they clattered to the floor. There was silence between them.

Kairi fixed her skirt and looked at Sora. "You should go home, Sora. Let's pretend this never happened. I'll forgive you if you leave now."

_Don't let her go! She tell them about Selphie._

"I can't let that happen!" Sora grabbed the nearest item to his hand, which happened to be a bread knife, and attacked Kairi.

She barely had enough time to scream before Sora pressed her to the wall with his weight. He hacked away at her beautiful face, covering her mouth firmly with his hand. Her screams of agony were muffled by his glove.

"It's okay, Kairi," Sora cooed. "This is normal for a virgin. It'll bde over soon. Trust me."

Kairi fought with every once of her waning strength. But, soon she fell, covered in her own blood. Sora looked at her lifeless body. Her lips were still clean though. Still beautifully contoured to her smooth face. They were pure, untouched by blood. Sora leaned down and kissed her pure lips, and they became tainted with sin.

_Better?_

Sora shrugged. "Not really. It felt the same. It's still missing something."

_How about we try again?_

Soru had been much more meticulous this time around. He had set up his trap just right. Rigged all the equipment just right, and sang his perfect song just right. Roxas sang along with him, enjoying every minute of Sora's fun.

_If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend._

_If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend._

_If you're happy and you know it, and really want show it,_

_If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend._

"Tidus, Wakka, Hayner, Pence," Sora listed, counting off the people he knew. "Just one more."

Sora sat atop Riku's apartment building, watching him intently. Riku entered his apartment with several heavy bags of groceries. He cursed himself for not having more hands. Sora followed him and stuck his foot in before the door fully closed. Riku hadn't noticed, and he made his way to the kitchen where he was suddenly knocked to the floor, his groceries flying everywhere.

Sora stood in the door way. Riku was sprawled on the floor, the back of his head was bleeding slightly. He groaned and blacked out. Sora stood over him, then sat on his chest, being careful not to put too much weight on him.

_He will wake soon. Prepare him. He will thank you for it later._

Sora tied Riku up in the living room. He made sure to wash Riku's hair before he did so. He didn't want Riku to be dirty when he talked to him.

It was a long time before Riku woke up. He looked around and tried to sit up, but the ropes kept him still. Sora's head rested on his chest.

"Sora?" Riku said.

Sora stirred and sat up. "Riku! You're awake!"

Riku struggled against the ropes again. "What is this?"

Sora stood up and paced the living room. "I got you a gift."

Riku stopped struggling. "If you think this is a joke, it's NOT funny."

"No," Sora said, hurt. "This is no joke. I love you. You're my best friend. I wanted to make something special for you. You see…you are the last one."

Riku paused. "Last one?"

Sora nodded and cut a papou fruit into tiny star shapes. "Yes, the others. They are gone. I tried to help them, but they didn't understand. They just couldn't let me finish, but they helped me more than they could ever imagine."

"Okay." Riku said slowly. "How did they help you?"

"They taught me how to best suit my needs." Sora replied. "I learned that I need to take my time. And I have all the time in the world. I've been saving myself for you, Riku."

Riku relaxed. He knew that Sora was joking. He had to be. Sora could never do something so horrid and despicable. It had to be a joke. A cruel, sick joke.

Sora brought the papou fruit and the carving knife and sat next to Riku cross-legged. He cut open his shirt and placed the cold papou fruit on his chest. Goosebumps rose and Sora stroked him lovingly.

"I need to express my love the only way I know how."

Riku braced himself, but he was surprised when Sora placed a piece of fruit in his mouth. He chewed it and swallowed, waiting for some horrible fate to befall him. Sora just laid on his chest for a long time, listening to his constant breathing. He occasionally looked up to see if Riku was still awake.

Riku sighed. Sora sat up. "What is it, my love?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Sora thought long and hard, playing with the carving knife between his fingers, "Because I love you. You make me so happy…"

_If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend._

_If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend._

_If you're happy and you know it, and really want show it,_

"If you're happy and you know it, kill your friend." Sora sang softly.

And he stabbed Riku. And he sang the same song over and over and over, plunging the knife deeper and deeper into Riku's flesh until there was little more than a bloody mess. Sora only stopped when the sun had gone down and the town quieted. He took a hand full of blood and smeared it on his face, smiling serenely.

"Thank you, Riku," Sora whispered. "I'm so happy."

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**Tell me what you think. Thanks in advance, and check out my other stuff. :) Have a nice day.**


	5. Kairi's Favorite Color

**Hmmm, a Psycho Sora. Let's see if I can still write violence with class. Please review. How am I supposed to know if people like my writing if they don't tell me what they think?**

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It had been a hard life. One of peril and anger and constant darkness. Something had come over the young hero. Something had taken over him.

Something had changed.

"Sora!" Donald cried. He held his staff threateningly, though his magic reserves were completely depleted. "Please, don't do this."

Goofy stood in front of Donald, steadying his shield against the raging fire that erupted from the legendary Keyblade. "Garsh, Sora. We'll be okay. We'll work this out."

Sora stopped and rested the Keyblade on his shoulder. "No. It won't be okay. There is something wrong with me. I can feel it."

Donald ran, and Sora jumped over Goofy and darted after him. "Donald. Stop running away from me."

Donald squawked and ran faster. "Sora, it's not the end of the world yet. We can still fix you."

Sora cast his Keyblade back and sliced through Donald. "It is for you, Donald."

Donald fell, and Sora turned to Goofy, a single splash of blood on his cheek. "Your next, dog."

Goofy stood his ground as Sora charged after him. But, as soon as he was a only inches from the thick shield, he stopped. Goofy only put his shield down after several minutes of silence. When he put his shield down, Sora stood there with tears streaming down his bloodstained cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Goofy." Sora choked. "I want to be better. I really do."

He held his arms out and hugged Goofy tightly. Goofy relaxed and patted Sora's back. "It's okay. I'll help you, Sora."

"I don't think you can." Sora said.

Goofy tensed and then relaxed and slumped to the ground. Sora's shirt was soaked and he dismissed his Keyblade. He tilted his head back and laughed into the sky. It echoed over and over itself until it sounded like a thousand Sora's shared the same laugh.

"Sora!"

Sors stopped and turned to the small voice that had called him. Kairi stared in horror at him. She clapped her hand over her mouth as the stench of blood clouded her senses.

"What did you do?" she squeaked.

Sora held his head and smiled. "Didn't you say your favorite color was red?"

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**I'm not sure if this will be well recieved, but I don't care. Review anyway. I'm writing a whole story if you wanna check it out.**

**Have a nice day. :)**


	6. The Mary Sue

**Hey. Late night story. I thought about this when I was trying to write a new plot bunny. But, it turned out to be a Mary Sue story. I think this turned out pretty well. So I published it. It was really just an exercise to kill that damn writer's block.**

**I don't own any thing, except for Mary, though I regret owning this one.**

**Enjoy.**

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Zexion sat at his table in his study. He had taken care of everything he needed to for that day. All his reports were filed, all his books were labeled and organized, and he just put the finishing touches on his new Dewey Decimal System reference book. He decided that he would relax. Unwind in his favorite chair with Otherworldly Tales, a book he did not read often.

As soon as he curled up, there was a stern knock at his door.

"Zexion," That was the unmistakable voice of Saix, second in command. "You need to report to Xemnas at once."

"For the love of God," Zexion murmured. He stood up and strode out, dropping his book on the side table.

As soon as he reached Xemnas's office, he opened the door and stalked in. He already had an argument planned. He was going to win this argument if it was the last thing he would ever do.

"Zexion," Xemnas said. He looked at him with glowing eyes. "I have a special assignment for you."

"I can barely contain my excitement." Zexion huffed. "Listen, Xemnas, I have finished all my duties. My responsibilities are taken care of. If you have any concerns over my files, I can rectify them for you immediately."

Xemnas held up a hand, and Zexion fell silent. He knew something bad was about to happen.

"There have been reports of a Mary Sue breaching the Fourth Wall into our world." Xemnas said quickly. "It is too late to send it back, but we can not allow such a monstrosity to exist on the same plane."

"A Mary Sue?" Zexion said, mildly interested. "Good grief."

"I need you to take care of it."

"You mean kill it?"

Xemnas waved a hand. "Whatever you think is necessary. I promise that you can have the next week off if you complete this within a timely manner."

"A week?" Zexion said. "That seems generous."

Xemnas rubbed his temples. "You'll see why shortly. I've sent Marluxia to fetch it. You will then take on full responsibility for it. I expect impeccable punctuality with this. You have no longer than a month. I want the files on my desk in thirty days. Sooner if you can."

"Understood." And Zexion stood up and took his leave. He could believe what rotten luck he had been having lately. He seemed to always have to file another report, or run another errand. He was going to have to pay Luxord a visit.

He settled back in his favorite chair and waited for Marluxia to kick his door down and hand him his task. It was only a matter of time. No sooner had he thought this action that it came to be. He shook his head as Marluxia kicked the door in, breaking the doorknob, and leaving a boot-sized dent on the fine wood.

Zexion looked up with distaste.

"I have your Sue." Marluxia said. "It is horrible. I am lucky in that I did a favor for Luxord the other day, so I'm immune to its effects, but the others weren't so lucky. You should probably keep this thing in here. It's a menace."

Zexion wasn't quite sure what Marluxia was talking about. But, upon seeing the creature that was shoved into his room, he could feel it. An overwhelming sense of love, or at least the simulated feelings of love. He frowned.

"Nobodies can't feel," Zexion reminded himself. The feelings quickly subsided. He frowned deeper.

"Good luck," Marluxia snickered, and he closed the door.

Zexion blinked a few times and sighed heavily before looking at the Sue. He focused his attention on his book before he spoke.

The Sue was the most beautiful thing Zexion had ever seen. She was slender, far too slender to live, but managed to pull in breath. Her hair was perfect in every way. Blond and long, waving in cascades of gold. And though Zexion knew that hair as thick as hers was almost impossible to keep in that fashion, there was not a single hair out of place. The Sue looked at him with perfectly round blue eyes that were simple, like a young child's, but so much more complex, like his own.

Zexion blinked. He cocked an eyebrow and looked to her clothing, which was a mash up of every color of the rainbow, and sparkles. Lots of sparkles. Every inch of fabric was covered in bead-like sequins. Her boots were the most ridiculous though. They looked like a pair of horse hooves. He had definitely seen them in an 'Ugliest Shoes' article he read once.

Zexion had to take in all the perfect for a moment more before he opened his mouth. He was sure that this was going to be a challenge. He waited for the sue to stop looking at him before he glared at her.

"I'm Zexion, and I'll be curing you of your disease."

The Sue smiled. Every tooth was perfect and was in direct proportion with her perfectly pink gums. Her perfect lips were curved in a perfect half-circle. "I'm the most powerful, lovely, and ever so sensitive Mary Pretty Sue."

Zexion ached inside over the sound of her voice, which sounded like a thousand angels singing the chorus to 'Halleluiah'. He cringed.

"Let's just get this over with." Zexion said. "You need to stop being an idiot."

The Sue huffed. "I am not an idiot, but I do feel for you. You see, I'm a Nobody too. I was a Heartless before, taken from my home by a group of evil scientists. When my parents were killed by evil Heartless, I became a Keybarer and save my home from the horrors of the Unversed. Then, I sacrificed my heart to save my friends and send them back to their homes. So, now I'm a Nobody."

Zexion rolled his eyes. "I'm sure."

The Sue puffed out her chest. "I was the head cheerleader in my high school. I got the highest grades, and was the most popular girl. I then adopted the most unpopular girl in my school as my best friend. She was emo, but that made my adventures all the more interesting."

"I'm sure." Zexion said. "So what happened?"

"What happened to what?" The Sue said.

"What happened to your friend?"

The Sue thought for a moment. "Oh, she killed herself to save me."

"I thought as much."

The Sue smiled. "We could be lovers, Zexion. You are so mysterious. You're the bad boy, and I'm sure we could make the perfect team. You and I could single handedly fight every Heartless in the universe and find our hearts so that we could make beautiful children together."

Zexion stood up and disappeared behind a book shelf as the Sue kept talking. He wasn't paying any mind to her. He was searching for something.

"So, what do you say?" The Sue asked. "Let's make babies."

Zexion picked up something off a table and approached the Sue, being careful to not let her see what he had. "I'm sure you think we could make babies, but that is a physical impossibility. When we get our 'hearts' back. I will be probably ten. You get the picture."

The Sue held her heart. "Love transcends all barriers."

Zexion sighed. "I'm sure."

He quickly grabbed the Sue by her hair and sheared it off with a huge pair of scissors. The hair fell to the floor and curled up, singed.

"My hair!" The Sue cried. "What have you done?"

Zexion swept the ashes into a dustbin. "I made you imperfect. You are no longer a Sue. Therefore, you may grow as a character. Now, could you please leave?"

The Sue sighed and left Zexion's room trembling. Zexion sat down, scribbled down a neatly written report and handed it in. Xemnas looked up in surprise.

"That was quick."

Zexion shrugged. "I merely located the source of her illness and removed it. My full report is in the file."

Xemnas looked back to the work on his desk. "Any notes?"

"Easiest week off I've ever earned." Zexion said.

He sat in his room, curled on his favorite chair. Otherworldly Tales was on his lap and he sipped a cup of coffee. He was in completely silence, until a bang at his door disturbed him. It was Saix.

"There's a Mary Pretty Sue at the front door for you." Saix said.

Zexion shrugged. "Tell her I'm on vacation for an undisclosed amount of time. She will eventually starve."

"Is this what you call taking care of your responsibility?" Saix said, his hair bristling.

"I don't really care what you do to her." Zexion said. "I did my job. Send her to art class and convince her she can see the future."

"How is that going to help?"

"Call her Namine." Zexion said. "Someone will do something with her."

Saix nodded. "Larxene! Marluxia! Xemnas has an assignment for you. You will have a new Sue to play with. She's a psychic who can draw the future!"

Zexion closed his door and sat back in his chair. "Otherworldly Tales. You and I have much to catch up on."

But, this time, he put in a pair of earplugs, and a lock on his door.

* * *

**See? Zexion got a happy ending. I am not implying that Namine is a Mary Sue, though she does kind of fit the mold, seeing as she is a weak female character who has to be saved by the hero. Although, I'm not sure if that says more about the characters or the writers. *shrugs***

**Don't flame me for that, and you have a nice day. :)**


	7. Paper or Plastic

**I managed to sneak onto the coputer while my folks weren't watching. I thought of this and typed it up real quick. It contains many spoilers for my series KKCS, but nothing is set in stone. I thought of this as a 'What would my OCs do when the series is over?' I think it was funny, please tell me if you think the same thing. Although, I**** am rethinking the Demyx thing. He might just stay. :)**

* * *

Roxel had spent his last few days thinking about how he was going to visit his best friends. They were so far away. Asmuth had decided to stay in the Great Library with Zexion to learn everything he could about the universes and the Fourth Wall, because Rexas wasn't very clear about what it was before he was brutally murdered. So, Roxel decided to go to the store and buy some treats for his friends.

"So," Roxel said, tapping his finger on his chin thoughtfully. He looked at the thousands of items in the store's circular. "Soriku is a vegan. Asmuth likes fish…and Haji likes….hmmm"

Roxel grabbed his items and hurried to the checkouts. He didn't want to get stuck waiting for the next Gummi Ship. Lately, public transportation hadn't been very kind to him. The lines were long, and Roxel was starting to get impatient with them. Many of the customers were the reincarnates of the Organization XIII, similar in appearance, but skewed in personality. Probably because they have been experimented on for most of their exceedingly short lives.

"I'm not sure what kind of candy I want, Superior." Saix said softly.

"Well, technically, I don't exist so it doesn't matter." Xemnas mused. "I wasn't included in the domination of the world in KKCS, so I could care less."

"That's not true, Superior," Demyx sighed. "You were given an honorable mention. And so was I."

"You were cut, Demyx," Xemnas said. "The writer had an idea in mind, but she decided you weren't worth it."

"Well, she stuck you in a mutant lab rat."

Xemnas sighed. "True. My superior qualities were fused into a prepubescent boy for most of the series."

"Well, maybe if Vexen wasn't such a prick…" Saix trailed off as he threw a Snickers into the conveyer belt.

Vexen glared at them, and then disappeared. "They were definitely my most interesting experiments."

Xemnas frowned. "Yes, but it would've been nice if you told us about it before these events transpired. It was awfully mean for you to just spring it on us like that. I mean it didn't even sound like a joke or anything."

Roxel looked at his former foes and couldn't help but get the overbearing feeling that they were talking about him. He saw the vast amount of junk on the conveyer belt and reached up to tap Xemnas on the shoulder. Xemnas turned around, condescendence etched all over his face.

"Well, if it isn't the main character." He sneered. "What could I possibly do to make life harder for you today?"

Roxel scoffed at his sarcasm. "I was just wondering if I could go in front of you. You have a lot of junk, and I only have three things. It would save me a great deal of trouble."

Xemnas cocked an eye brow. "Oh, sure, Mr. Main character. Be my guest. And make sure you thank your lovely accomplices for me. I wouldn't want them to think I was being a bitch by not mentioning them…Demyx."

"What did I do?"

"If your idea concept wasn't such an epic fail…"

Roxel ignored the argument and stepped ahead of them, placing his things in front of the cashier.

"Would you like paper or plastic?"

Roxel thought he recognized the slight Southern drawl and looked up. Sure enough, there stood Haji, his favorite Heartless.

"Haji?" Roxel said. "What are you doing here?"

Haji looked livid, like he couldn't believe his worst nightmares were coming true. "Oh God, it's you."

"You don't sound happy to see me." Roxel said, pressing his fingers together sheepishly.

"I'm not," Haji growled. "After I sacrificed myself to save you three assholes, the producers decided to cut me from the budget. They wouldn't even pay me royalties. They said my character was too unlikable, so I had to buckle down and get a job. Ungrateful bastards."

Roxel patted Haji on the shoulder. "It's okay, you can have some of my royalties."

"I don't WANT your royalties!" Haji screamed.

"How about some chocolate milk?" Roxel offered. "It's your favorite."

Haji didn't say anything for a long time. "Paper or plastic?"

Roxel sighed and lifted up a canvas bag. "I brought my own."

Haji threw the stuff into the bag. "Bitch."

* * *

**If anyone could tell me what the 'Fourth Wall' is supposed to be I would eteranally grateful. Also, I don't know how to get the two dots over the 'i' in Saix. If you could tell me how to do that I would love you forever.**

**Anyways. Have a nice day. :) Reviews...I want them...more than Roxel's royalties.**


	8. Typos Typos Everywhere

**This is based off a true story. I really did edit a story as much as this oneshot depicts. It was only five pages. But I did not use blood. This is to Gaylittlekid. It explains why typos are my mortal enemy. Hope you enjoy it. :)**

* * *

Sora looked intently at the paper he had been given in English. It was at least five pages long. He looked up at the teacher and frowned slightly.

"What is this?" he asked softly.

The teacher smiled. "Riku asked me to give this to you. He said that a friend of his wanted you to look over it. Riku told me that you could, I believe he said 'vanquish the vile creatures that lived on this paper' or something like that. Anyway, that is your assignment for this class. Revise the story."

Sora flushed. "Damn, Riku. I hate editing stuff." He looked at the first page of the paper and he face fell.

_And the kic was leik mad super powerfulness and then he said 'dude could you like stay on your side of the plasma cannon ninja stars?_

And he stopped. Obviously it was the worst bit of writing he had ever seen in his life. He laid the paper glumly on the desk and pulled out a mighty red pen. He held it high, praying it would survive the terrifying task it was about to take on.

But he could only pray.

Many days passed and Sora dropped the red pen on his desk after the third day. His eyes were bloodshot and he had a comical five o'clock shadow that made him look haggard and old. He slumped over and banged his forehead on the desk.

Riku, who had returned from a mysterious journey leaned over and smacked the beard stubble right off Sora's face. "Did you finish?"

Sora looked up slowly and glared at Riku with all the hate he could muster in his feeble body. "Yeah, I finished." He handed five sheets of red paper to his best friend, and banged his head on the desk again.

Riku was shocked. "Why are these papers red?"

Sora's muffled reply came with heavy solemnity. "Because there were so many typos, I had to use blood to finish editing it."

Riku held the papers away. "So, I take it was bad."

Sora stood up and leaned over Riku's desk. "This Richard character needs to perish in a conflagration of commas and quotation marks. He needs to be stripped down by a metaphor and beaten within an inch of his life by a hyperbole. He understands nothing of the written English language and must die as a consequence."

Riku finished writing down the message. "And must die as a consequence." He whispered. "I'll pass the word. Anything else?"

Sora stomped away. "Yeah! Tell him to read a book for once in his life!"

* * *

**Not terribly long I know. But you have to admit it is funny. Give me your reviews. I want reviews. Have a nice day. :)**


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